THE GEEK’S BIBLE

‘First, there was the word.  And the word was a typo.’

“JESUS!”
“What?”
“Can you help me with this thing?”
“What’re you – Oh no dad!  Where in your name did you get a Window’s desktop?”
“Traveling salesman.”
“Dad, if I’ve told you once I’ve told you a thousand times, all the traveling sales men who show up are from hell.  Literally.”
“But he was so persuasive!”
“Demons usually are.  Oh well.  Let’s see what I can do with this thing.”
“So you can still use it?”
“Well, what do you want to do?”
“Create a universe.”
“Oh.  Well then…let’s open a word document.  Here we go.  Now start typing, and be careful.  You can’t delete, so – Oh no!”
“What?”
“Dad, ‘word’ is not spelled w-0-r-d.”
“Now it is.”
And so the w0rd came to be.

‘And god created the earth, and he looked upon it, and proclaimed ‘W00T!’

“Okay Dad, I made you some things to download.  This one downloads the world, this one for animals, you get the idea.”
“Thanks son.  Let me see….well, I guess I need to download a world first, don’t I?”
“Unless you want all the animals to die, yes.”
“Okay.  Hand me the world disk.”
*click.  Whirrrr…*
“Look!  A world!”
“It’s a mess.  Let’s add some light…separate the day and night, water and land…Hey!  It’s habitable now!”
“W00T!”

‘And Jesus made God some animals, but God decided he wanted something different, and hit the delete button, and it is for this reason that no one knows what happened to them.’

“The world’s looking good, Dad!”
“Thanks.”
“But...uh…those aren’t the animals I gave you.”
“The dinosaurs?  They were cool, but I wanted to make something…well…small.”
“What happened to them?”
“…”
“Did you delete them?”
“…”
“You did, didn’t you?”
“…”
“Well…I just hope you know you’re doing, Dad.”

‘And then god got bored, and created a primitive SIMs.’

“Dad, what the hell is that thing?  It looks like you!”
“That is a human, me boy.  His name’s Adam.  I made ‘im to look like me.”
“Cool.  What’s he doing?”
“Wandering naked in paradise.  And now he’s going to get lonely.”
“So what’re you gonna do?”
“Make him a buddy.  Here we go.”
“What’s his name?”
“Steve.”
“Um, dad…Shouldn’t you the other one female?”
“Well…okay.  You’re the computer expert.  Now her name’s Eve.”
“Oooooooooooooh…”

‘And Lucifer hacked into God’s computer, and sent a spybot, called Tree_0f_Knowledge, a worm, called SERPENT, and a virus, called SIN  to cause trouble in EDEN.’

“Oh Me!  JESUS!”
“What’s the matter?”
“Lucifer’s hacked into the system!  I’ve lost control of the computer!”
“Oh You, Dad, why didn’t you install the anti-virus programs I gave you!?”
“I was lazy!”
“Too right you were.  Let’s see what he’s done, and let’s see what I can do.”
“I totally did not make that tree!  Or that snake!  Those must be what he sent!”
“Yeah, they are.  It’ll take me a while to get rid of them.  Just keep your creations away from them, because if they eat the fruit on that tree, they’ll get infected!”
“I can’t!  Adam and Eve have free will!”
“!&#*”
“If I ever hear you say that again, young man, I swear I will punt you right out of here with your obnoxious cousins.”
“Well, if they get infected, I can have one of the angels punt them out of EDEN.”
“But…I still want them!”
“You told them to be fruitful and multiply, so they will.”
“But they’ll get deleted over time!”
“Well, give it awhile, and if the virus doesn’t clear up, you can plug me in and I’ll do my best.”
“You will?”
“I can use the Save function.”